Addicted to the Sensation of Agony

I do not invite and enjoy misery of any kind just to be pitied by others or admired for forbearance but it is thru this sensation that I feel more alive – watching my self bleed while I strive to breathe.
We need pain, misery, sorrow and failure. We need it because it fetches the finest character in us. It teaches us to reckon success, happiness and even pleasure with such depth that changes every strand of our being.
So the next time you see yourself under a cloud, just go ahead and pump the rain out of it. Let it pour on you. Let it magically wash you for sometime. After that you’ll begin to appreciate better the warmth of the sun, not just the usual smile that your face gives when you see it shine.

To my Zenith & Nadir

It is in this time of my life that it occurred to me ---
Tears not flowing upon the feet of sorrow and pain
But tears that roll at the sight of absolute happiness.
My ever moving happiness, hear me ---
I love these tears you give me.
It washes all the sadness in my eyes.
And if I can, I’d contain it in a jeweled vial
As if it is an elixir wringed from my heart and soul.

The One Minute Closure

How far will you go?
You'd do anything
I need you
I need you to let go
I will let you go
But I need you
Because I love you
If you love me then let me be
I will
Because I love you

No Vacancy

If there’s a pang in my heart now it is not something to be sad or worry about. It’s simply a lack of space for something that is bigger occupying every inch of it. Every muscle, tissue and vein stretched out to give way to an everyday growing dweller, powerful enough to consume me. Love, yes, nothing else. No space for hatred or regrets, just love. It fills me up and then whirls inside like a giant black hole. The intense gravity gathers my being and then the most beautiful thing happens…
I burst into millions of stars, planets and galaxies. Almost seems like giving birth to a whole new universe. And the best thing about this is that it happens with every beat of my heart, with every chance that I get to realize that I am loved and that I can give it back.

Swept Away

I couldn't think of any way to describe it better. I'm afraid that my lack of taste to judicious words might disappoint the very thing that keeps me breathing. But neither do I find it necessary for any additives for something that is already intense. I hope I can give justice to it --- I say it as it melts in the palate of my passion.

I am falling endlessly.
Deeper everyday.
And there's no intent to halt at all.
I have inside me an entity bigger, stronger than I am.
And it seems so true that wild things do run fast.
The inertia is an absolute apathy at this point.
I was swept away too many times and I am still, as before, drifted by its course.

It’s a total surrender of my being to something painfully sweet like a scalding desire.

Wild Things Run Fast

I couldn't think of any way to describe it better. I'm afraid that my lack of taste to judicious words might disappoint the very thing that keeps me breathing . But neither do I find it necessary for any additives for something that is alredy intense. I hope I can give justice to it --- I say it as it melts in the palate of my passion.



I am falling endelessly.

Deeper everyday.

And there's no intent to halt at all.

I have inside me an entity bigger, stronger than I am.

And it seem so true that wild things do run fast.

Hands

This morning I was stopped by the image of my hands. The creases and wrinkles are twice as much as last year. I started wondering where it all came from or how I got it. There was a vague flash back (or maybe just a tickle of my imagination) of my own tiny soft hands held by one warm finger. My baby hands! So small and all it can grab was my mother’s finger. That’s all I saw and snapped back to reality then I looked at my hands again. It looks old and weary but still very able. If my hands can talk it can probably remember more of my life than my short-termed memory. It was the very tool of my every action, the messenger of my every thought and deed, and my savior when I turn mute. It makes the obvious even more alive when it hits its surface.

September 29,2008